


colorblind

by yoonjeonghxn (orphan_account)



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Color Blindness, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, References to Depression, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, Suicide Attempt, Tattoos
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-30
Updated: 2018-05-10
Packaged: 2019-04-30 06:17:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14490657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/yoonjeonghxn
Summary: grey.the only color yoon jeonghan knows.(or, when jeonghan is forever cursed a grey, seungcheol soon finds the one who earned him the tattoo on his wrist and the pink splotch.)((previously known as please don't do this (ill make it a color, i promise) ))





	1. one || the grey on your wrist, the scars on the other

yoon jeonghan knew for a fact he was certainly screwed.

he hadn't been close enough to his soulmate for the grey to change to whatever color he was assigned at birth. half of him wished it was blue, and the other half of him wanted it to be a mixture of rose quartz and serenity. he wanted to know that the relationship was special, so special to the point where the color wouldn't be washed over with plain ol' grey.

that's what had happened several times before.

and the grey just got darker and darker. 

he knew he wouldn't even be able to find the special someone jeonghan was waiting for ever since the grey splotch appeared on his wrist that fateful day six years ago.

for now, jeonghan was thrown to the curb. in this society, if the splotch was dark grey, you'd be segregated from everyone. even the best friends you had ever since kindergarten would now treat you like a homeless person who was begging for money.

oh, and by the way- if you didn't get color on your splotch by the time you were out of highschool, you were **_definitely_** screwed. you'd be that homeless man for real this time. and no one would care.

that's why he hadn't found his soulmate yet.

_yet._

* * *

and now the scars on his right wrist.

those were from all the nights jeonghan had spent sobbing into his knees after a day of constant insults, things ruined and the piercing screams from his dad on why he should already break out of his shell and make that splotch a color, or he'll be a disgrace to the yoon family. even though he wanted to scream right back at him that he shouldn't be talking, because he almost became a disgrace too.

but blame _that_ on his anxiety.

every night jeonghan would grab the blade hidden in his pillow case and butch up his wrist so bad to the point where he ** _wanted_** to force red on his grey splotch. he  _ **wanted**_  so badly to do it, to show his parents he finally found the special one and become the best yoon his whole family had ever seen, because red as your color was _rare._

it had to run in your genes in order to get it, but the only color that ran in the yoon family was pink or baby blue. and the rare color was rose quartz and serenity.

but who really cares about the colors he was assigned anyways? he would never get them, just dark red on his other wrist; which was unheard of, _duh._

all jeonghan wanted was a soulmate. he wanted to be normal again, he wanted to have hansol, seungkwan and wonwoo by his side again. jeonghan was missing them so damn bad. so fucking bad to the point where he'd paint over his splotch just to get them back.

oh, but he tried. just resulted in even more screaming and punching because _everyone_ knows each others colors.

jeonghan was alone.

and he'd have to accept that for the rest of his blade filled, grey colored life.


	2. two || loner (please don't let me be this way)

jeonghan realizes a change in his sight soon enough, and he can't seem to decipher red from orange or black from white. his sense of color is starting to disappear just because he hasn't gotten a soulmate yet. the grey splotch on his wrist is red for some reason, and it stands out more than anything; like as to taunt him for being so alone.

"mew?"

he looks over at where the sound comes from and squints his eyes - _the only way he can see color now a days is by doing that_ \- to see a small, injured kitten. the kitten is nursing it's paw before meowing at jeonghan again, asking for help from the loner. 

"y-yeah...i'll help you..lemme s-see..." he stutters out, still scared to talk after all these years, squatting and grabbing the kittens paw softly to examine the paw, only to see a flash of red appear in his faulty vision. jeonghan looks at the kittens other paw to see his splotch turned red, smiling softly as it mixes to a red-orangeish kind of color. 

"i'm...your soulmate?" the kitten purrs at his voice and rubs against his hand. theres no way a cat could've chose _him_ , yoon jeonghan. it would be ** _impossible._**

"mew." the kitten keeps on rubbing against his hand, suddenly all better like if it was fate that brought jeonghan here. he smiles softly and picks them up, stroking it's fur.

"i'll call you...hmm..." jeonghan looks around before laying his eyes on the name of the ramyeon shop he was walking to, shaking his head _. no, not a good name at all._ then his mind wanders off to his game he was going to get for christmas, smiling before looking down at the kitten. "arno."

arno purrs again before he starts walking out of the alleyway and into the world ahead of him with his newfound friend, arno the kitten.

* * *

arno doesn't end up living for long, because jeonghan runs into some fucktards who grab his kitten and throw it across the pavement before beating him to the pulp. he limps home with blood dripping down his face, tears mixed into it too which makes it even more runny, and the dead body of the kitten he only knew for a hour, hoping to bring him alive somehow.

he notices the kittens splotch washing away quickly which makes jeonghan even more determined to get home in time, pushing himself to the edge just to save his little friend.

but his bad luck gets in the way, and soon he's on his knees, holding the dead arno close to him while crying into the kittens limp body. that was it. jeonghan would never get a chance to actually have someone by his side again. he was worthless as a grey, this and his faulty vision proved it. he starts to slowly put down the kitten, running his hand across the side of it.

jeonghan starts to wonder how he got so weak and so childish these past few years - _he's seventeen, he shouldnt be crying over a kitten -_ or it was just the bad luck that he had so mysteriously achieved. getting up, jeonghan starts to bury the kitten before digging something out of his backpack and leaving the burial site. he **never** wanted to come here ever again.

"hey, are you okay?"

"g-go away!" he hisses out to the mysterious voice, and for a split second, jeonghan swears he could see full color again.

but as always, he ignores it and keeps on walking, suddenly feeling a scratching on his wrist. jeonghan pulls down his sleeve to see a tattoo of a moon, blinking in confusion as he stops in his tracks. that boy that he passed by must've done something to him. 

the thought of the mysterious voice being his soulmate quickly went away. jeonghan knew no one would even get close to a grey or even ask if he was okay, but this one...was different. it was like he wasn't even sucked into the hate of greys at a early age, and didn't even care if he was a grey or not - _he was the only one in his highschool_ \- unless the boy was a grey _himself._

_but jeonghan keeps on walking, too scared to go back._


	3. three || greyscale

jeonghan takes a deep breath in, and looks up. 

_still no color._

jeonghan has lost his only source of happiness.

tears form at the corner of his eyes as he pushes himself of the bed slowly, turning off the light and sitting back down. he can no longer see the dim light that brought the ambiance out in his room. he can no longer see his favorite idol dancing on the bright stages he always created. 

jeonghan gets back up and turns on the light, looking around at the black and white room before grabbing something dark black, and chunking it at the wall. a loud crash echos throughout his room as the dark black thing scatters everywhere. pieces are under the bed, under his dresser, here and there on his floor- just everywhere. he can't even locate the pieces at all so he decides to leave them there.

now, hot tears are flowing down his face as he navigates around his room blindly, grabbing something heavy and lifting it above his head, before going to his window and letting go.

_there's no point._

grabbing one of the glass pieces, he digs it into his skin and flicks it across quickly. warmth flows down his arm as he crawls through the window, letting his hands dig into the small broken pieces of glass and not even once wincing. jeonghan looks down at the dark black ground before closing his eyes.

_pushing himself forward, jeonghan let's go of everything._

**_goodbye._ **

* * *

he feels pain throb on his newly etched tattoo.

"you okay?" one of his friends ask, their eyebrow raising. he nods.

and when they turn around, he quickly jerks down the sleeve of his pullover.

_"oh my god."_

the boys sun tattoo is fading away, and so is his grey splotch. he freaks out, instantly jerking the sleeve back down and raising his hand, waving it around.

"yes?" the teacher groans out. 

"can i go to the restroom?"

the teacher nods, letting him go. he dashes out into the hallway, bumping into seokmin on the way before tumbling into a bathroom stall. he jerks down his sleeve once again to see just a regular wrist. no splotch, no tattoo, no nothing.

"fuck." he mutters through his breath before getting out of the stall and his attention goes straight to the open window. soon he's running down the road and into the woods, gripping onto the side of his stomach. his soulmate dying meant he had to die as well, and he had to get home quick.

"mom, dad!" he shouts out once he's sure he's right in the woods next to his house, and he doesn't get a answer.

_they always used to answer, what happened to them?_

he soon meets the ground, mud plastering his face as he holds the side of his stomach tightly, letting out a cry of pain.

_**it's time.** _

_wait, i can hear you?_

his eyes shoot open, taking a huge breath in while pushing himself up, wobbling off the side and letting out another cry of pain while colliding with a weak tree

**_it hurts it hurts it hurts so damn bad, please please-_ **

_i can't feel anything either._

the boy takes in another huge breath, letting out a groan. 

"f-fuck, why won't this stop!"

_it will. i'm not alone?_

_**shut up just shut up!** _

_why?_

_**it hurts fucking hell it hurts!** _

"seungcheol?" the now named boy looks over to see seokmin and wonwoo looking at him in concern.

"h-help!" seungcheol shouts out, and seokmin quickly rushes over to the other, picking him up with all the strength he had. 

"wonwoo, get his legs, we need to get him-"

" _n-no! they c-can't know!_ " he croaks out, seokmin looking over at his exposed wrist from all of the movement, his eyes widening. "we need to atleast get you to my house, or something- wonwoo do you have your kit?!?" wonwoo nods and they both place seungcheol down on seokmins jacket, him dipping out all of the contents of his backpack and grabbing the white plastic box , tossing it over to seokmin.

"this is gonna hurt. tell me what your- _holy shit!_ "

seungcheol was now laying motionless on the ground.

**_he was gone._ **

and there was no way to save him.

* * *

jeonghan wonders for a while why the voices stopped.

then, a aching pain shoots through his arm, and he exactly knows why.

while he was stuck in this never ending darkness, waiting to get out, his soulmate died too. taking a deep breath in, he closes his eyes and just thinks.

_**hello?** _

_**hello? i know you're alive, you can't be dead.** _

_**please tell me you're not.** _

_**please.** _


	4. four || first words

**oh wow.**

 

jeonghan takes a huge breath in as he jolts awake, looking around and then down at his casted arms. he gulps, the events of his suicide attempt washing over him quickly. he lets out a choked sob, ploping right back down on the bed as tears flow down his face. his soulmate was dead, and he knew it since his soulmates sobs for help were the only thing jeonghan could hear before he passed out.

 

meanwhile, seungcheol was struggling to stay alive. no matter what the doctors did, they couldn't bring him back to life. even though his tattoo and splotch had already started forming again, the doctors watched and watched, ready to kick out this 'worthless grey'. 

 

and jeonghan was completating if he should try again, or wait for his soulmate to appear again. he had long forgotten his name, it being on the tip of his tongue but jeonghan still couldn't figure it out.

 

_cheol...seung....woon...? cheolwoon? sungjin? seungkwan?_

 

couldn't be any of those. but cheol sounded familiar.

 

jeonghan sighs, letting the day pass by like water flowing down a river. it was calm, slow, and so eerily quiet that it also made jeonghan want to barf or rip off the iv just to create entertainment. his parents weren't here when he needed them the most (as always) and the voice wasn't going to talk anytime soon. jeonghan felt like he was in the void again- floating, crying and waiting for someone to safe him.

  

but he wouldn't get the help he needed anytime soon. jeonghan was a grey, no one would think it was actually depression! they would think it's the loneliness settling in because of him being a grey! even the therapist said it was just loneliness and refused to diagnosis him! oh but he got the diagnosis - slap after slap to the fucking face and screams of 'you're a selfish piece of shit! why are you even my son?!? and 'jeonghan, you're worthless. your sister is better than your sorry ass.' jeonghan eventually just gave up.

 

jeonghan doesn't really like to talk about how he sneaked with his uncle to the therapist so he wouldn't be a attention-seeking asshole. especially infront of his parents- actually, jeonghan never even talks. just goes up into his room and sleeps.

 

"oh, you're awake." a calm nurse comes in and looks at jeonghan's vitals, writing them down on a piece of paper before looking over at him.

 

"you want to get those off, don't you?"

 

he didn't even notice he was looking at his casts while he was off in his own world. jeonghan nods frantically, and it earns him a soft giggle that washes nolstalgia over him. he almost wants to croak out 'mom?' and cry, but the last of his diginity was telling him not to. he misses the way his mom used to treat him when he was little, and how she used to spoil jeonghan until he told her to stop, which was right away, since he was happy with what he had at the time before his splotch appeared.

 

"you can't baby. not yet." the nurse smiles her most sweetest smile before leaving, jeonghan's heart pounding in his chest. he tries to get rid of the feeling, but it just stays, and jeonghan hides his head in his hands. he can't be falling in love with her, it's not possible, _it's not fucking possible._

 

and then it happened.

 

another tattoo replaced his old one, which was gone since his soulmate was now offically dead (jeonghan belived), and it was nothing like jeonghan had seen before. he ran his skinny finger over it, feeling the bumpy texture and the slight burn from it being brand new.

 

_"don't go. not again."_

 

jeonghan gulps, quickly hiding his arm with his cover. if anyone found out about this, he would be dead. these kind of tattoos were unheard of and looked down upon - because techinally, it was cheating to know your soulmates first words, appearently. 

 

**jesus christ, how long is it gonna take me to get out of here?**

 

_seungcheol?!_

 

* * *

**you're jeonghan aren't you?**

 

jeonghan's eyes widen, him taking a deep breath. how would his soulmates name just spurt out like nothing in his thoughts, but he couldn't even say it out of them? how does seungcheol even know his name, how is he even alive?!

 

_yes. how do you know my name?_

 

**more like how do you know mine.**

 

_it was floating around in my mind. i swear i've met you somewhere._

 

**you're colorblind right?**

 

_yeah._

 

**me too. my friends don't care...but their close to leaving me...**

 

_you have friends?!_

 

**yeah. don't you?**

 

_no._

 

**oh.**

 

it suddenly goes quiet for awhile, and jeonghan is left once again surrounded by silence.

 

**i've known you were my soulmate ever since i passed by you in the hallway.**

 

hallway? jeonghan doesn't even get the privlage to walk normally in the hallway without meeting his long time friend, the floor.

 

_the hallway? pfft, i don't even walk through there._

 

**yes you do. i accidentally pushed you down, sorry...**

 

jeonghan freezes up, and he doesn't know whether to cry or laugh, or just scream at him.

 

**why are you...crying? laughing? jeonghan, you okay?**

 

_yeah, yeah, i'm fine- it's just funny, and sad-_

 

a small deep chuckle comes from seungcheol, and jeonghan smiles for the first time in awhile.

 

and then color is brought back to his world, jeonghan sitting there in shock as he can now see the beautiful world again.

 

but why isn't his splotch a color?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
